009. Punish

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012 08:39 pm
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (remember love)
I've been watching a lot of documentaries lately, which I can't decide is a bad thing or not considering it forces me to think about how shitty our world is. I've watched three on religion, one on dumpster diving, and the one I'm watching right now is about Wal-Mart's horrible business practices. When I can't stop thinking and I start getting really, really depressed and need to escape those thoughts, I put Scrubs on. I don't know what I would do without Netflix to distract me.

Or, without Pepé. This morning, I came up with a plan if I can't find a job and the only thing that kept me from following through with it right then was reminding myself that he cares about me. He puts headphones on when he plays Call of Duty because he knows I hate the sound of gunfire (I have trouble enough watching shows like Law & Order) and put them on when I was still sleeping and he wanted to listen to music. He never pushes me and apologizes when I tell him if I feel pressured by something. He's incredibly patient and generous... buying me coffee and a muffin already. He cares. And... we're exclusive. Heh. Like teenagers, I swear. When we were talking about it, I said 'So, we're going steady' and we laughed and he said 'If that's what you want to call it. Yeah.' Ridiculous. I love it.

I need to start working on my resume again soon. I just need to distract myself right now. I mean, I seriously considered suicide this morning. I think my brain needs a break from stress right now.

I'm trying not to panic, knowing that I don't have enough money to pay my rent right now. It's really difficult to function. I caved and got squishy this morning to prevent myself from hurting myself. I don't know how I'm going to get through this sober.

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ohmyfurandwhiskers: (Default)
D. Troy

July 2012

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