008. Vanish

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012 05:20 am
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (nighttime in italy)
A small part of me wants to keep living, but most of me just wants to die. I just keep thinking about buying a bottle of vodka, a bottle of sleeping pills, getting squishy, and cutting every part of me open once I get to the point where I just don't care anymore. I wonder what would kill me first.
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (remember love)
He's totally the Andy to my April. ♥

(We're watching Parks & Recreation together and it's pretty much the best way to spend time ever.)
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (totally hard at work of course!)
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (stack o' books)

004. Apoptosis

Monday, January 2nd, 2012 01:09 am
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (Default)
So! I managed to finish reading 60 books in 2011. I'm disappointed that it wasn't more, such as the original 150, but I knew by the time I decided to go back to school for fall semester, I would have to settle for just 60. Books Read in 2011

I was much closer when it came to watching 300 DVDs (either movies or the discs of TV show episodes)... I made it to 209! DVDs Watched in 2011 - A little bit out of order as I forgot about the list until December. Oops! I'll consider going back and adding the dates from Netflix instant, at least.

GOALS FOR 2012! Books to Read? 150! DVDs to Watch? 250!

Now, for the bad news... I got fired from Coffee Cartel on Thursday, the 29th, by the owner. I wasn't given an exact reason, rather it seemed a bit cumulative and muchly do to my high level of stress. As much as I loved working there, the people who I worked with, and the regulars who made my day when they came in, I can't stay angry. I am, however, very depressed right now. I'm trying to put my life into perspective and be grateful for all that I do have, but it's extremely difficult when I just lost my job, the one thing that had defined me since April 2010. I feel like a part of me was murdered, and I'm ashamed to admit that I totally begged him to reconsider, even though I knew he wouldn't. I cried for five hours straight and woke up the next day with hideous bags under my eyes. Grieving... I keep thinking I've gone through Kubler-Ross's five stages... Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Then, I start haphazardly cycling back through them all. It's super fun as you can probably guess.

At least now I can make out with Pepé as Emma so tactfully put it. Heh. Yeah... *goofy grin*

I've still been going to Cartel every single day and I still consider Frogger (the general manager) to be my bestest friend in the whole wide world. As far as I can tell, everyone still likes me. Even people who I didn't think did, have told me that we're still friends and have expressed sympathy. My regulars who I have spoken to about it, because I care about them and don't want them to just disappear from my life, have also apologized and given me hugs. *goofier grin*

It doesn't prevent me from being depressed, though. I've already applied for unemployment and submitted ten online job applications. I'm waiting until Tuesday to go job hunting on foot because I don't want to be the annoying insect of a person waltzing in on the Monday after two major holidays. Yeah, no thanks. That's like the equivalent of calling to ask if we're hiring in the middle of a lunch rush. I have one last paycheck coming to me and approximately $90 to my name as of right now. I'm going to pay my rent ($365) on the 6th, when I get my last check. Hopefully, I get unemployment with no issues and it's enough to pay the minimum $210+ in my other bills. I dropped out of the only class I was going to take this semester and I'm going to go get my $66 refund from cashier's office. And, I have other bills that I'm really scared about and none of this includes food for myself or my kit-kats. Yay.

At least I have Frogger, Llama, Pepé, Emma, Mama Nerd, and everyone else in my life who has been supportive of me. Without them, I'm pretty sure I would've just killed myself. Seems melodramatic, but considering how difficult it is to find a job in St. Louis, especially when you don't have a driver's license or a college degree yet, I really think it's a good back-up plan.

I'm so fucked.

003. Velle

Saturday, December 31st, 2011 10:03 pm
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (Default)
"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. ... any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." - poet John Donne
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (Default)
Oh, the candy I have acquired! Purchased with tips I received on my 18.5 hour shift on Christmas from my favoritest grocery store in St. Louis, Straubs. The mass amount of sugary nonsense is cluttering my bed and I feel very little remorse. Petit fours and all sorts of gourmet chocolate bars all for cheap! I love it! I also put lots in my coworkers boxes at work and have loads to share on shift. I probably should have used the money to pay bills and be all responsible but I really liked the idea of buying candy for my friends and sneakily putting it in their boxes. I was also an awful bitch yesterday and got into an argument with one of my fellow managers. It's been resolved but I felt guilty so I gave her chocolate stars and put extras in Emma's* box because she witnessed it and my ranting afterward. ♥ I don't know why she puts up with me.

I've spent most of today sleeping and in bed with the Womanly Plague, reading ebooks by a struggling author by the name of S. A. Hunter. I've been very interested in young adult fiction lately because I'm considering gearing my own writing toward the YA audience as well. However, I definitely want my writing to reflect the state of my mind I had at that age as opposed to the extremes most YA authors tend to write in. I'm also considering writing a response to the book I mentioned in my first entry. The Espressologist, which I felt is an insult to both literature and the intelligence of teenagers. I'm not sure how serious I am about it, but I have always wanted to write a book about being a barista and also "get back at" authors who don't know anything about what they're writing about.

Right now, my furry kit-kats, Quinn and Kaylee, are curled up around me, purring. I have books to finish reading and gingerbread marshmallows to eat, so I'll say farewell for now.

*I quite like this whole nickname thing!
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (Default)
What am I doing? It's 2:53am and, instead of being a sensible person and sleeping at the moment, I'm reading a two-star book written for young adults. I have to be at work at 6am, a 24/7 coffee shop called Coffee Cartel where we cater to several types of vices for those who are on their way to work or school or coming back from one of the nearby bars. We sell coffee, espresso drinks, tea, quick meals, ice cream, desserts, and there's even a cigarette machine in the back. I've been working there since the end of April 2010 and since starting I've moved up from working the floor to being a manager. In addition to the basic duties of being a barista and preparing food orders, I also do the inventory once a week and call in orders from our vendors. Despite the usual issues working with the public entails, especially the specific food service issues, it's the best job I've ever had and I love the place very much.

On why I'm reading instead of sleeping... This past year, I had two goals (amongst others but these are ones I'm focusing on finishing right now), read 100 books and watch 300 DVDs, either movies or the discs of TV show episodes. Of course, I didn't even come halfway close to accomplishing either goal. Mostly, because it's pretty impossible to do either when you work full-time and go to school part-time. So far, I've read 56 books (I'm working on finishing about four at the moment, one of which should be finished before I head into work in a couple of hours) and approximately 190 DVDs. As a result, I've changed my goals to 60 books and 200 DVDs. This, I feel is much more manageable and will be the goals I make myself for 2012.

Why here and now? I created this alternate journal to be more forthright with my everyday activities. I also have a journal elsewhere but I've had journals there for such a long time that I don't feel like I can change the setup without disturbing history, if that makes any sort of sense. Also, somewhat recently, there have been several DDOS attacks on their servers and I'm concerned about the future of my journal. I don't really want to continue a commitment to such a shaky service, especially since ownership changed and that's supposedly the reason for the attacks.

I'll return later on tonight, possibly. I have plans to hang out with my best friend and the store manager of Coffee Cartel, Frogger*, to go see her girlfriend, Llama, at the nightclub where she works. This will actually be my first time ever going into a nightclub so I'm pretty excited about it.

*Nicknames for now until I can ask if I can reveal their actual names.
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (what winter feels like to me...)
ohmyfurandwhiskers: (the end)

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Wednesday, September 10th, 2008 02:05 am
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D. Troy

July 2012

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